Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize