he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
