Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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