and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
