she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
