Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
