Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The adults are the big ones right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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