3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize