Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
