it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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