am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
