You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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