It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
