I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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