No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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