I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
