peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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