Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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