you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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