even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
