Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
