I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
