these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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