you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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