dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
