Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
