I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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