it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
