Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
