why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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