I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
