I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
