Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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