Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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