I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
