WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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