My friends, they love my intelligence
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
