It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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