I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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