I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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