ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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