It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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