somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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