I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
