I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
