My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
