I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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