Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
