Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
