I wish i was in the wii world.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
