He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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