Kiss
Puke
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Found your dick twin last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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