No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The dick lei will go down in squad history
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
