My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
