Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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