How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
