I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
