I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
