Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
